A Tribute to Kathy

On this, your birthday, you are my sister always, my friend forever.

(this video lasts about 5 minutes)

 

We wore pale blue dresses topped with white organdy pinafores so stiff with starch they could have stood alone, and we each held a freshly snipped, velvety red rose. Unlike my blond ringlets, she had dark hair that wasn’t quite curly, neither did it hang straight; instead, it billowed out like a cloud. Her heart shaped face, anchored by a pointed chin, was quiet, but her sky blue eyes were so alive they glowed. Apart from the matching dresses, we weren’t in the least alike, not inside or out; nevertheless, she was the most beautiful, most alive, and most loved girl in the world, and she was my sister, my best friend.

     There was a serenity about her that drew the anxious soul to share its innermost thoughts. Whether one was deeply troubled or jubilant about the greatest news, she embraced all who came. The elderly, with age wrinkled skin and vacant eyes were drawn by her aura of compassion; while the young, exuberant with life and bubbly with anticipation, just swooped in for a hug and flew off again to experience the world. 

     I don’t know what it would be like to be such a magnet for all mankind. It must have been a tremendous drain on an already ravaged body; for, lying in wait within her was the feral beast. Devoured bit by bit, her once soft and pillowy shape became a wasteland of hollows and sunken planes. The vibrant, energetic, physical body became, as she described it, “an inert blob on an all too familiar mattress.”

     The beast was swift to devour and unrelenting in its capture; still, she remained, in her spirit, alive and free. Intrusive, beeping mechanical monitors ensnared her with tangled, translucent tubes, keeping constant surveillance on every bodily function; but the dispassionate devices could not restrain her thoughts or emotions. Medicinal odors of sickness assaulted our noses as the revolving door of attendants interrupted our attempted conversations.

       Violence came in fits of fluid, raspy coughing and relentless eruptions of the stomach; however, the hellish nightmares and delusional episodes were the most frightening. Those days were seemingly unending, yet all too swiftly passed; days filled with torturous agony, yet interspersed with quiet instruction in moments of lucidity; days I try to erase from my memory yet cling to, frantically. For it was in those last days that we shared our final memories, our deepest fears, and our best kept secrets.

In childhood, we did not understand the gift wrapped up in God's greater plan. Time taught us about the bond of love, and through that love, we learned together, sharing the good times and the bad; a time all too short. 

His plan also brought the blessing of sharing our home with her two daughters, and (years later) four additional grandchildren, and a beautiful relationship with my younger sister, Jo Anne, that I will never take for granted. But, the biggest blessing was the lesson that He doesn't promise us tomorrow, but leaves us with the greatest promise of all: "I will never leave you nor forsake you" Hebrews 13:5. Included in this promise is that He will give us the daily grace we need. That grace will empower us to rest in God and stand firm in the face of whatever suffering or temptation the world can muster, in the face of whatever fear that has come true. 1 Corinthians 10:13. He is faithful.

     As I ride a train up the icy slope to the peak of a snow encrusted alp, I realize that we are more alike in her death than we ever were in life; certainly not in our outward appearance nor even in our likes and dislikes. Now, freed from the chains that bound her to this earth, I take her with me as I climb a rugged mountain and when I breathe the crisp wintry air, she breathes with me. Looking out across the vast expanse of God’s creation, I touch her solemn beauty. The snow bursts into a flame-like glow as the sun sets on another day; yet, I know the sun will never set on the bond we shared in this life and will share for life eternal. 

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18